Things the Bible Would Have Said if the Author Had a Better Quote Book

Warning: this is yet another rant from Jane Grey on people who cite the Bible without bothering to read it.  If you’re not in the mood, go buy some popcorn.

That Other Blog Over There just attributed “hate the sin but love the sinner” to Jesus.  The Other Blogger Over There is usually much more biblically literate than that.  A swift resort to Google tells us that nobody knows who really said it first, but everyone who bothered to check it out reports that it is not to be found anywhere in the Bible.  Which is consistent with my own research.

“God helps those who help themselves,” OTOH, is definitely Ben Franklin.  “To thine own self be true” is definitely Shakespeare.  “With malice toward none, with charity to all” is definitely Lincoln. All of them have, at one time or another, been attributed to the Bible.

The Bible, similarly, says absolutely nothing about abortion, and nothing directly about same-sex marriage.  And everything it says about homosexuality, it says in paragraphs adjacent to pronouncements about adultery, for which it recommends essentially the same punishments (except for the Sodom and Gomorrah story, which can be read several different ways, and which Jews and Christians in fact do read very differently.  The traditional Jewish reading of the story sees the Sin of Sodom as powerful people doing it to powerless people, rather than men doing it with men.)

The finer points of modern textual criticism enable us to determine that, even if all that stuff about wives submitting to their husbands is in the Bible, it wasn’t really Saint Paul who said it, but some cheap knockoff, which is kind of nice.  And, while ignoring Revelation may be easy for us Jews, we don’t get off that easily from looking at Daniel, which was in fact one of the sources of Revelation.  (Arguably, Revelation is a cheap knockoff of Daniel, in fact.)

But then, one of my dearest friends, of blessed memory, once talked a Jehovah’s Witness missionary off his doorstep by quoting scripture at him in English and Hebrew until the poor guy gave up.  Let’s hear it for a little learning (not, BTW, a little knowledge.  See Pope’s “Essay on Man.”  Not the Bible.)

Jane Grey

A Few Words About–Words

As a former English teacher and proofreader and a current lawyer, I get easily upset by abuse of the English language.  First there are the redundancies—you know, like “ATM machine,” “HIV virus,” and “PIN number.”  This summer’s biggies are “Latina woman” and the subject line of emails, which these days almost always reads: “Subject: re: whatever.”  “Re:” means “subject.”  (I think some people think it’s short for “regarding.” It isn’t. “Re” is Latin for “thing,” literally.)

Then there is the use of quotation marks as what one commentator has called the poor man’s boldface.  Now that everybody has boldface, can’t we just restrict quotes to their original purpose—indicating the reproduction of somebody else’s words?  Apparently that was part of the problem with Sarah Palin’s use of the phrases “death panel” and “level of productivity in society.”  The elitist literate few actually thought she was referring to something somebody else had said, and faulted her for not naming her source. In fact, she was just being snarky, which should have surprised nobody.

Again yesterday I heard the word “foreclosure” pronounced on NPR with the accent on the first syllable. Where on earth does that come from?

Have I missed some real bloopers?

Jane Grey

Dear Sir or Madman

Yesterday’s Yahoo news carried a piece on avoiding typos in one’s resume and cover letter to prospective employers, pointing out that the recipient would probably dump the offending documents in the nearest recycle bin upon catching the first such typo.  As a former English teacher, I can certainly sympathize with that response.  On the other hand, I suspect that most prospective employers are themselves ignorant of alot of such typo’s, and mere HR staffers would be even moreso.  Indeed, between you and I, many such solecisms were originally the fault of misguided English teachers to begin with (such as my son-in-law’s 4th grade teacher, whom he swears taught him never to use “and me”) and are therefore much more likely to be committed by people who really care about proper usage.

Of course, the corrolary to this rule is that many job applications may land in the circular file, not because of they’re poor grasp of English usage, but because of the recipients.

Jane Grey

A Vocabulary Exercise in Virtue

David Brooks and Charles Murray are depressed because we don’t use words like “dignity” and “duty” any more. They have a point.  A lot of good words have fallen into disuse over the last century or so.  “Piety,” for instance. “Sublime.”  “Sin,” “Vice,” and “Virtue,” except in the context of diet and exercise.  It would be hard to imagine Bernie Madoff using any of these words, even in the course of lamenting his failings.  Well, heck, it would be hard to imagine Bernie Madoff lamenting his failings.

Back in 1999, Jed Purdy tried to start an anti-irony movement that might have rehabilitated some of the good old Victorian words.  It seems to have pretty much fallen flat.  The last time anybody advised me to be careful for my dignity was when I was in high school, and the teacher who gave us that advice was a source of giggles for weeks afterward.

So here’s an exercise in expanding our moral vocabulary:

The Four Cardinal Virtues—Prudence, Courage, Justice, and Temperance: Courage and Justice do get a fair amount of use, though not necessarily the way Aristotle would have liked.  We are a lot more concerned about other people treating us with Justice than about being just in our dealings with other people.  And we talk about Courage, often, when we are really describing gall, nerve, or chutzpah.  Charles Murray says we don’t talk about Prudence or Temperance at all, rather than risk derision.  Perhaps we make up for our reluctance to talk about Temperance by having created an entire spiritual path to support it, the Twelve-Step Movement.  Prudence gets no such backup, at least not since Bush Senior espoused it and got laughed out of office in 1992.  Let’s try to use each of these words once a week, in its original meaning.

The Seven Deadly Sins—Pride, Anger, Envy, Greed, Gluttony, Lust, and Sloth, get a surprising amount of attention on the History Channel, of which I am a late-night aficionado.  Amazon.com lists 10,638 “results” for a search of “Seven Deadly Sins.”  What none of these respectable sources do, as nearly as I can tell, is approach the subject without irony.  Who am I to blame them, when my college roommates and I spent most of our sophomore year devising ways to commit all seven of the deadly sins within 24 hours? (Needless to say, Sloth was the deal-breaker.) Face it, we like sin.  We admire it.  Let’s try to use each of these words, without irony, at least once a week.

Let’s try to use the words “sin,” “vice,” and “virtue” in some context other than diet and exercise, at least once a week.  And then tell us all how other people respond and how you feel about doing it.

RedEmma1

The Silent Alphabet

(contributions welcome)

A as in ?

B as in deBt

C as in indiCt

D as in WeDnesday

E as in icE

F as in

G as in liGht

H as in ligHt

I as in busIness

J as in ?

K as in ?

L as in waLk

M as in Mnemonic

N as in ?

P as in Pneumonia

Q as in ?

R as in ?

S as in horS d’oeuvreS

T as in cloThes

U as in ?

V as in ?

W as in ?

X as in Grand PriX

Z as in ?

Jane Grey